Friendly Sex Talk
by Nicole11
Summary: ONE-SHOT LilyJames. "And, honestly Potter, the ability to make sexual innuendoes is not one of the traits I find attractive in a man!" Lily lovingly puts James in his place.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the Harry Potter world. That is all under the possession of the lovely J. K. Rowling.  
  
I wrote this after many failed attempts at being deep for a change and writing an angst fic. Just goes to show that I'm not made to make people cry. Damn.  
  
NOTE: This is in Lily's point of view.

* * *

I honestly don't think I'll ever understand boys, especially James Potter. Does he think that asking me out so many times I've lost count makes me label him anything more then desperate? Doesn't he understand that the numerous ways to woo a woman do not include being a cocky bastard who can't comprehend the meaning of the word 'considerate'? And, honestly Potter, the ability to make sexual innuendoes is _not_ one of the traits I find attractive in a man!  
  
But, honestly, you'd think that since I'm sick with the flu he'd lay off a bit—but nooooooo, he continues to infuriate me.  
  
I was sitting on the couch in the common room, minding my own bloody business and trying to recuperate from a morning of throwing up my insides, when Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew decided to interrupt my peace and quiet. Apparently he thought that this would be the perfect time to show off in front of his little friends.  
  
"Still sick, huh?" Potter asked, taking in my pale face and numerous blankets.  
  
"Yea...?" I said, already suspicious.  
  
He sighed in a defeated sort of way, and I could see Sirius trying to force a straight face—extremely unsuccessfully, I might add.  
  
"So I guess that means we can't have sex." He sighed gloomily. Remus' expression seemed to resemble mine—one of utmost shock—except his was far more amused then mine. If I hadn't been weighed down by the plethora of blankets on top of me, I'd have attacked him already.  
  
I was blushing more with rage then embarrassment. Meanwhile, Potters little friends were nearly having a hernia in the background. Sirius holding his side and nearly doubled over, Remus was taking the polite route and trying to cover his laughing mouth with his hand, and Peter was staring up at James with a kind of admiration while laughing his round little head off at the same time—quite an amazing feat.  
  
So, I decided to wipe that smug little smirk off of Potters face. Hiding my immense anger, I said with forced disappointment, "Yea," then flashing a smile I added, "But when I get better..." turning serious again I said, "there still will be no sex."  
  
Sirius, Remus, and Peter were laughing again, but this time—to my delight—it was at James' expense.  
  
"What?" James asked, his face reddening and his cool demeanor dropped. "Why not?"  
  
"Because there never was sex and there never will be sex!" I yelled, my anger finally showing.  
  
James got that hopeful look in his eyes again, as a smile that could only be brought on by another 'brilliant' idea lit up his face.  
  
"But how do you know we won't go out in the future?" He asked, looking as if he'd just solved the meaning of life and was graciously sharing it with me.  
  
His friends looked to me, wondering exactly what tact I was going to use to mercilessly crush their James' hopes yet again.  
  
"Because," I said calmly. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to be sane for the rest of my life."  
  
Once again the friends were off with their pitiless laughter. James, thoroughly beaten, ruffled his hair with his hand awkwardly before turning to leave—but not before giving Sirius a hearty smack on the back of the head.  
  
His friends quickly left, and I sat in front of the fire for a while, patting myself on the back for succeeding in verbally bitch slapping Potter.  
  
I mean, honestly, the nerve of him! As if I would ever have consensual sex with _him_! I mean, sure, he's mildly handsome, and can be good for a laugh or two but—...wait, what did I just say?  
  
What's the matter with me?! I don't find Potter handsome, I find him vile and grotesque! Oh God, has his years of openly fancying me finally brainwashed me into doubting my highly educated opinion of him being no more attractive then a Blast-Ended Skrewt?  
  
No—no don't be stupid, Lily. It must be the flu. That's it, all this vomiting has made me delirious... There's no other explanation for it.

* * *

Ok, that's it. Just a one shot, so no updates, i dont think. Hope you enjoyed it! If not, well, that's understandable.


End file.
